Snape's Elevator Adventures:The Return of Snapette
by A True Weasley
Summary: It's back! More bugging Snape on the elevator! Sequel to Snape's Elevator Adventures.
1. That's What She Said

**General Disclaimer: All things Harry Potter belong to J.K. Rowling. No rights belong to me whatsoever.**

Severus Snape walked up to the elevator.

Almost 2 months ago, he had had 24 strange encounters of who knows what kind.

He had had those encounters because Potter thought it would have been funny to form a union against him to annoy him.

So now, it was time to ride again.

He pressed the button, and waited.

And then Ron Weasley walked up.

"What do you want?" Snape asked.

"That's what she said," Ron replied.

"Excuse me?" Snape said.

They stepped into the elevator.

"Really? That's what she said."  
"No it's not."  
"Yeah it is, that's what she said."  
"Because she said sombrero," Snape said.

"No. That's not what she said," Ron replied.

"Then what did she say?" Snape asked.

"That's what she said," Ron replied simply.

"I'm serious," Snape said, "What did she say?"  
"That's what she said!" Ron replied.

"I am asking you a question, and I request that you don't respond 'That's what she said' every time," Snape said.

"But seriously…she said that's what she said," Ron said seriously.

**It's baaaaaaaaaaaaaaccccccccckkkkkkk!! Aren't you happy? R&R!**


	2. Those Crazy Fan Theories

Snape stood by his elevator.

And waited.

And then Lavender Brown approached.

"Thanks for the information, Snapette!" Lavender said cheerfully.

"What information?" Snape said nervously.

"About…your secret," she whispered menacingly.

"What secret?" Snape asked.

"Everyone knows Snapette!" Lavender said, "Don't be ashamed!"  
"What is it?! I don't remember telling you anything!" Snape said.

They stepped into the elevator.

"That you're a vampire!" Lavender said, laughing.

"That is possibly the craziest thing I have ever heard…no wait, the craziest thing I ever heard was Crabbe and Goyle singing Don't Cha…" Snape said.

"Thanks for that information, I'll definitely tell your mom!"  
"What is that supposed to mean?" Snape asked.

"Oh Snapette, you should know!" Lavender laughed.

"No one ever told me any of this!" Snape said.

"They didn't?" Lavender said seriously.

"No," Snape replied.

"Oh no," moaned Lavender.  
She tried, in a very disgruntled way, to tell Snape what she was talking about for the rest of the ride.

**R&R!**


	3. BFFs

Snape stood by his elevator, praying that someone weird wouldn't come.

His prayers were shattered when Dumbledore came.

"OH HEY SNAPETTE!" he shouted.

"Hello Albus," Snape said.

"GUESS WHAT! LOLSEVERUS HAS 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 views!" Dumbledore shouted.

"Great. And I told someone that you were gay, and that you were Santa," Snape said.

"That wasn't very nice Severus, considering I got your face known all around the world," Dumbledore replied sadly.

"Did it ever occur to you that maybe I _didn't want _my face known around the world?" Snape said.

They stepped into the elevator, and it was silent until Dumbledore said, "You're my BFF Snape."  
"What is that?" Snape said.

"BEST FRIEND FOREVER! I would have chosen Harry but he's too angsty/busy," Dumbledore said cheerfully.

"I don't want to be your BFF," Snape said.

"What?" Dumbledore said, looking and sounding hurt.

"Fine…I will be your BFF," Snape said.  
"THANKS SNAPE!" Dumbledore yelled, giving Snape a big hug.

Then Dumbledore rambled about BFFs for the rest of the ride.

**R&R or Dumbledore will be BFFs forever with a saxophone!**


	4. Fact: BFFs conquer all

Snape walked to the elevator, as it was a routine for him.

He stood and waited for someone to come.

Then Harry Potter approached, whom he hated almost as much as his father, James.

There was silence until Harry said: "Fact: Trees make paper."  
"…Why are you telling me this?" Snape asked impatiently.

"Fact: I am the Chosen One," Harry said.

Snape felt his temper rising.

"Fact: Draco is a dork," Harry said calmly.

"He most certainly is not! 4,000 points from-"  
"Ravenclaw!" Harry shouted.

And Ravenclaws had zero house points.

"How dare you! 12,000 points from-"  
"Slytherin!" Harry continued.

Slytherin's house points dropped down to the negative.

"Fact: Ginny is hot," Harry said, looking pleased.

"Fact: Your mom is hot," Snape replied.

"What?!" Harry shouted, taken aback.

Snape chuckled and said, "Fact: Dumbledore is gay."  
Then Dumbledore's voice said, "I would prefer to be called Dumbles, Snapette!"

"No wonder he's been pestering me with all that 'love conquers all' rubbish," Harry said with a shudder.

"HEY SNAPETTE, REMEMBER, BFFS!" Dumbledore's voice shouted.

"Right…BFFS," Snape said.

**A/N: IT'S BACK! A LONG AWAITED UPDATE!**

**And reviews make new chapters…**


	5. Rhonda the Biscuit

Snape had completed all of his daily tasks, and the last was:  
Take elevator home.

So he stood waiting.

Argus Filch approached the elevator, holding a biscuit with a nametag that said:  
Hello, my name is Rhonda.

Filch was silent until they got into the elevator.

"Oh, hello there, you sexy little biscuit," he said, starting to kiss it.

Snape stared.

Then Filch started singing 'You Sexy Thing' to the biscuit.

Snape _stared._

When Filch saw him staring, he said, "What the…I didn't know…RHONDA! Do something! Make Snapette leave!"  
Rhonda was laying still in Filch's hands.

"Oh Rhonda, don't be shy!" Filch said, giving Rhonda a nudge.

Rhonda was silent and still.

Filch started lecturing Rhonda.

Snape had never seen such a strange sight.

**Reviews are like sugar cookies…they make me happy, and they make new chapters!  
Thanks goes to WingedSkywire for the suggestion of this chapter!**


	6. Voices in Your Head

Snape stood by the elevator.

He waited for someone to come.

No one came.

He stepped in, and he was alone for the first time in a long, long, long time.

And he waited.

Until…

He heard voices.

And not just any voices.

James and Lily's voices.

"So Snivellus, I hear your new name is Snapette. Whoever came up with that is a genius," James remarked.

"James, be nice," Lily said.

Snape looked around, and no one was there except for him.

"Where are those voices coming from…?" Snape said.

"Oh, we're actually hiding in the top of the elevator because-"  
"A: That's what she said. And B: We wanted to," James finished.

"James!" Lily said.

"So Snapette, how has life been?" James inquired.

"Well, it's been better, I guess, but now I'm BFFs with Dumbledore. But at least Slughorn isn't doing leg lifts anymore," Snape said.

"You're…BFFs with Dumbledore?" James asked.

"Actually I would prefer to be called Dumbles!" Dumbledore's voice yelled.

"Alright yes, I was forced into being BFFs with…Dumbles," Snape said.

So Snape got out on his floor, seriously wondering if he should be on any medication.

**Reviews are like soft fluffy cake. So review!  
Thanks so much to Midnight Mustang for the idea of a talking elevator and to Live Laugh Love Potter for the idea of the ghosts of James and Lily!**


	7. Do I Know You?

Snape stood by the elevator, not expecting anyone.

Then Lockhart approached.

"…Do I know you from somewhere?" he asked.

"No," Snape said.

They stepped into the elevator.

"Are you sure?" Lockhart asked.

"Yes," Snape replied.

"You look awful familiar," Lockhart said.

"I don't know who you are," Snape said simply.

"I don't know who I am either!" Lockhart said, "We have something in common!"

"No, we don't," Snape said.

"So what brings you to Hogarth's today?" Lockhart asked cheerfully.

"Hogwarts," Snape corrected, "And I work here."  
Lockhart gasped and said, "You do?"  
"Yes," Snape said, "What are you doing here today?"  
"Well my friend, I think his name was Dumbles, wants me to come because he needs some…oh yeah, socks!" Lockhart said.

"…Socks?" Snape asked.

"Socks!" Lockhart said.

**Reviews are like candy. Everybody likes it.**

**Thanks to Twonk for suggesting Lockhart in the elevator!**


	8. Your Mom

Snape walked up to elevator, as he had been doing this whole entire year.

Sirius Black walked up.

"Hey Snivellus! Random that I would find you here on this elevator!" Sirius said.

Snape grumbled.

"I heard your new name is Snapette," Sirius said.

"It's not," Snape said.

"Your mom is not," Sirius said.

"My mom is not what?" Snape asked.

"Your mom is not what you thought she was," Sirius said.

Snape thought about that, and said, "She's not an idiot?"  
"Nope," Sirius said, "You're the idiot."  
"I am not an idiot!" Snape yelled.

"Your mom is not an idiot," Sirius said.

Snape banged his head on the side of the elevator.

"So how's work been Snapette?" Sirius asked.

"Terrible," Snape said.

"Your mom's work has been terrible," Sirius said.

"It always has been," Snape said.

"You always have been," Sirius said.

**Thanks so much to CaitlynTylerLover2967 for the suggestion! I hope this is what you wanted…**

**A/N: I have an idea, and I want to know what you fans think about it. What if every five chapters (not including chapter 5) two people went into the elevator? What do you think of that?**

**See that little review button? Do you? It's very sad, but it would rejoice if you pressed it and gave Snapette some reviews!**


	9. Screaming Like a Little Girl

Snape stood by the elevator, waiting for someone to come.

Only no one came.

So he stepped in the elevator.

Only as soon as he put his left foot down, he heard a squeak.

He lifted up his foot and saw a squished Arnold, Ginny Weasley's pygmy puff.

"Dang," Snape muttered.

"Snapette?"Arnold squeaked.

"Snape," Snape corrected.

Arnold squeaked out Jingle Bells.

"Shut it," Snape said.

Arnold squeaked in response.

"What do you want from me?!" Snape shouted.

Arnold bit Snape's shoe.

"Hey!" Snape shouted.

Arnold growled.

"Oh you think you can take me down, huh?" Snape chuckled.

Arnold attacked Snape.

Snape moved to the corner of the elevator.

Arnold charged at Snape.

Snape screamed like a little girl and fell over.

And that, my friends, is why you never mess with Arnold.

**Half Blood Prince was AWESOME! I loved it so much. Thanks to iluvbooks for suggesting Arnold.**

**Aww, poor little Snapette…I bet some reviews would make him feel better!**


	10. Feminine HairI Know a Secret

Snape stood by the elevator.

Bellatrix and Lucius Malfoy approached the elevator.

"Snapette?" Lucius whispered.

"What?" Snape said flatly.

"I think that I'm your biggest fan…" Lucius said.

"WHAT?!" Snape shouted, backing away.

"I know a secret, I know a secret!" Bellatrix shouted.

They stepped into the elevator.

Lucius quickly pressed his floor button, whapping Snape with his hair in the process.

"You just smacked me with your very feminine hair," Snape said.

"My hair is not feminine," Lucius snapped.

"It is sooo feminine! I know a secret!" Bellatrix shouted.

"Your hair is like an afro!" Lucius said, "Your hair is very masculine!"  
"Is not! I KNOW A SECRET!" Bellatrix shouted.

"Oh my lord," Snape said, turning around.

"Snapette," Bellatrix said, whispering into his ear, "I know a secret."  
"I know you know a secret," Snape said calmly.

"It's about you…" Bellatrix said.

Snape sat down, attempting to block out them.

**Please review…please?**

**Thanks to WingedSkywire for the ideas of Lucius and Bellatrix!**


	11. Technically I Can't

Snape was waiting for the elevator, like he usually did.

Dobby approached the elevator.

"Snapette, sir!" he squeaked, "Why you want to kill Harry Potter! He is nice, and kind…and he make Dobby free!"  
"He most certainly is not. He is lofty, obnoxious, arrogant, and just like his father," Snape said.

Dobby gasped.

They stepped into the elevator.

"Snapette must not harm Harry Potter!" Dobby exclaimed.

"Technically I can't," Snape said, "Dumbledore will kill me if I do."

Dobby gasped, "Dumbles is involved with this?"  
"Dumbledore. Why does everyone call him Dumbles? Why does everyone call me Snapette?!" Snape said.

"Snapette is not nice to Harry Potter. That is why," Dobby said.

"You are a bad elf," Snape said coldly.

"Dobby is a good elf! Dobby did what the masters said!" Dobby said.

Snape rolled his eyes.

**So fans, I have a question: When this story is finished, would you like me to write a sequel to this or do something related to it, like Snape on a plane or on an escalator?**

**Not that I have any plans to end this anytime soon, I just want to know what you think. I have all intentions of having 30 chapters!**


	12. The Fangirls

Snape was standing by the elevator, waiting to get on.

Draco approached the elevator, looking rather nervous.

"Sir?" he began, "Have you ever gotten a call from…from fan girls?"  
"Heck yeah!" Snape said, "They intrude my house, so I have Peter there to scare them off."

"Well sir, should I be worried…if they come into my room and ask me to do the bathroom scene?" Draco asked.

"The bathroom scene?" Snape said.

"I don't know what it is!" Draco said, putting his head in his hands, "They ask me to give them a piece of my hair…to sign their pillow cases…to marry them…I'm starting to wonder how safe this place really is.."

"Well Dumbledore has definitely changed…considering he's one of my fan girls," Snape said.

_Snape's mind flashes back into a different time in a different elevator…_

"_Hey Snapette!" Dumbledore screamed, "I just saw Half-Blood Prince and you are sooo fit and gorgeous!"_

"…_Excuse me?"  
"Oh yeah, totally!" Dumbledore yelled._

_BACK TO THE PRESENT_

Snape shuddered.

**Well Jiang Qing? How was that for 'Snape is totally fit and gorgeous'? Well thanks for suggesting anyways!**


	13. I'm Still Here!

Snape stood by the elevator, waiting for the doors to open and to go home.

Harry and Ron approached the elevator.

"You know Ron, DADA is terrible now that Snapette's the teacher," Harry said thoughtfully.

"Got that right," Ron said, "At least he's not teaching potions anymore."  
Snape said, "You know I can hear you, right?"

They all stepped in the elevator.

"And his hair! It's so disgusting! Does he even wash it?" Harry said.

"Probably thinks he's too manly to wash it," Ron said with an eye roll.

"Pff," Harry said, "And his nose! It's so hooked I could put a worm on it and catch a fish!"

Harry and Ron chortled.

"I'm still here," Snape said angrily.

"He's the worst teacher I've ever had," Harry said.

"Worse than the Muggle teachers?" Ron asked.

"Way worse," Harry said.

"Detention for both of you!" Snape said.

**Thanks to cuddlebear992 for suggesting the idea of Harry and Ron on the elevator ignoring Snape!  
Review please! :D**


	14. Isn't It Obvious?

Snape stood by the elevator, waiting to go through its lovely doors which will allow him to go through the magical phases of annoyance and go home.

Hermione approached the elevator, her nose in a book.

Snape inched away, hoping not to be bothered by her.  
"No! Percy, save Annabeth! SAVE ANNABETH!" Hermione shrieked, gripping the edges of the book.

"So my new name is Percy now? Percy Snapette?" Snape asked.

"NO! YOU IDIOT, PERCY!" Hermione said, beginning to sob, "YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE LET HER TAKE THE DAGGER FOR YOU!"

"…I thought my name wasn't Percy? And who took the dagger for me?" Snape asked.

Hermione sighed with relief, "Oh thank God Annabeth is okay."  
"What are you talking about?" Snape asked.

"Isn't it obvious?" Hermione said.

"Not really," Snape said.

**Thanks to TbsRuleTheTracks for suggesting this idea!  
And for those of you that haven't read Percy Jackson and the Last Olympian…well I'm not gonna explain.**

**And I don't own Percy Jackson, just like Harry Potter…poor me…**


	15. We Hab Colds

Snape stood by the elevator, staring at it's cold doors.

Fred and George approached with a box of tissues and they both sneezed.

"Watch it," Snape said grouchily.

"I'b sorry," Fred sniffed, "I hab a cold."

"Then stay away from me," Snape said.

George sneezed a huge sneeze.

"Could you sneeze smaller sneezes?" Snape said.

"I can't control what I sneeze," George said.

Snape rolled his eyes.

"That's not nice," George said, "I hab a cold!"  
"If I had a cold would you care?" Snape asked.

Fred and George were silent.

"I thought not," Snape said coldly.

Everything was really awkward.

Fred sneezed all over Snape.

"Watch it!" Snape said angrily.

Fred got an angry look on his face and stuffed the tissue box on his head.

**Thanks to WingedSkywire for suggesting this chapter idea!**


	16. The Deadly Bonjour

Where do you think Snape is standing today?  
That's right! He's standing by the elevator! Good job!  
Moving on…

Snape was standing by the elevator, because that's what he does.

Fleur approached the elevator.

"Bonjour!" she said.

"Hmph," Snape said.

"Ca va?" she asked.

"Excuse me?" Snape asked.

"Ca va?" she asked again, only this time with more force.

"Excuse me?" Snape asked dryly.

Fleur got an angry look on her face and began screaming at him and slapping his face.

"What's going on here?!" Snape asked.

Fleur was making wild hand gestures and yelling at him in French.

"Uh..Bonjour," Snape said roughly.

Fleur stopped.

"Bonjour. Ca va?"  
"Si," Snape replied.

"Non!" Fleur shrieked, slapping his face once more.

**Thanks to Vader Hater for suggesting the idea of Fleur screaming in French in the elevator! And yes, all of the things Fleur say are actually real phrases in French.**


	17. The Force

Snape stood by the elevator because he wanted to go home.

It had been a long day at work.

Seamus approached the elevator.

"Professor Snape?" Seamus asked, "I have a secret."  
"Oh God."  
"I…I think I can use the Force," Seamus said.

Snape decided to take advantage of this situation.

"So can I."  
"Since when?" Seamus asked.

"Ever since I was a little boy," Snape said, "I always considered joining to Jedis, but they sensed darkness…"  
"Wow," Seamus said, in total awe.

"And everyone thinks I'm uncool," Snape said, "But someday, I will rise to be the greatest Jedi ever!"

"You're my hero, Snapette," Seamus whispered.

**I didn't post a chapter yesterday! *sobs* I'm so ashamed.**

**Review!**


	18. BATS!

Snape stood by the elevator. Waiting to go home. 'Cause that's what Snape does.

Sirius approached the elevator.

"W-W-What?! How are you even _here_?!" Snape spluttered.

"Magic," Sirius said with a grin.

Snape hit his head against the wall.

They stepped into the elevator.

Sirius changed into a dog, then a cat, then a bird, then a bat.

"Stop!" Snape shrieked, "I'm afraid of bats!"  
The bat changed back into Sirius.

"Afraid of bats?" he scoffed, "I thought you were one, Batman."  
"I am NOT a bat," Snape said, "What are you even doing here?"  
"Uh…" Sirius said, beginning to change into various types of bats.

"No! No!" Snape shrieked.

The bat turned back to Sirius.

Sirius chuckled.

Snape frowned.

**Alright! Review! REVIEW!  
Thanks to Phoebe Rerun for the suggestion of a random character turning into different animals!**

**And I am aware Sirius can only change into a dog.**


	19. Ypu

Snape stood by the elevator, 'cause that's what Snape does.

Colin approached the elevator.

"You know what I hate, Professor?" Colin asked.

"I don't really care," Snape said.

"Ypu," Colin said.

"What?" Snape asked.

"Ypu," Colin said, "Sometimes on the Muggle computer when you try typing you it comes out as ypu."  
"And I need to know this because?" Snape asked.

"Because ypu is annoying," Colin said, "You know, sometimes when I'm writing an essay I accidentally write ypu instead of you."  
"That explains so much," Snape said, "I saw that on one of your essays almost every other word was ypu."  
Colin furrowed his brow.  
"I didn't write that."

"Yes ypu did," Snape said.

"You're so annoying, Snapette," Colin said, turning his back on Snape.

"Hey!" Snape said, "What're ypu doing?!"  
**Review or ypu will see Voldy in a bikini!**


	20. Chat Spek

Snape stood by the elevator.

"Lyk hullo **Snapette**!" Crabbe and Goyle said.

"You are misusing the English language and the bold tool," Snape said.

"it's calld **chat spek** Snapette," Crabbe said.

"You didn't properly capitalize the beginning of the sentence and you are again misusing the bold tool," Snape said.

"ur not being **fair** Snapette," Goyle said.

"Will you please _stop_?!" Snape said.

"u misusing teh **italics tool**," Crabbe said.

"No, I am not," Snape said, "For some odd reason whenever I speak, the italics tool is frequently used and there is nothing I can do to stop it."  
"dat not good **reezin **Snapette. I likk lotda pyi," Goyle said.

"I am officially shunning you," Snape said.

*Snape shuns Crabbe and Goyle*

**So you know the drill. Review for Snapette.**


	21. Being Sirius

Snape stood by the elevator, waiting to go home.

Luna approached the elevator, holding a rather large bottle of dandruff shampoo.

"Happy birthday Snapette," Luna said vaguely, "I got you a present."  
She held out the shampoo bottle for Snape to take.

"First of all, it's not my birthday," Snape said, "And second of all, if it were my birthday, I would not have accepted that present."  
"Why not?" Luna asked, surprised.

"I don't need dandruff shampoo," Snape said.

"Oh Snapette," Luna said, "Don't be silly."  
"I'm not being silly, I'm being serious," Snape said.

"That's not a very good impression of Sirius," Luna said.

"No, I'm not impersonating Sirius, I am being serious," Snape said.

"Oh, I understand," Luna said, "You're not impersonating Sirius, you are being Sirius, you actually think you are Sirius Black."  
"No!" Snape said, annoyed, "This has nothing to do with Sirius! I am being serious, as in the adjective."  
"I didn't know that Sirius became an adjective," Luna said, "Does it mean having a nonchalant look at life and loving to play pranks?"

"Forget it," Snape said.

**Thanks to for suggesting Luna and a bottle of shampoo!  
So. You know the deal. REVIEW!**


	22. Dress Robes

Snape stood by the elevator, 'cause I force him to everyday *gasp*.

So anyways, Ron approached the elevator, clutching his dress robes from 4th year.

"It's your birthday Snapette!" Ron said, "So here's my present to you."  
"Who gave you the idea that it was my birthday?" Snape asked, "Never mind, I bet it was Luna."  
"Will you try it on?" Ron asked.

"That?! No!" Snape said.

"Why not?" Ron asked sadly.

"Why do you think?!" Snape screamed.

"Okay…" Ron said, turning away sadly.

"Fine! I'll try it on!" Snape said, grabbing the dress robes and putting them on.

"Everybody has to see this…" Ron said, taking a picture of Snape in his dress robes, "And this is so going on LOLSeverus!"

"LOLSeverus?!" Snape screamed, "No!"  
"Yes!" Ron cried gleefully.

**Okay, so thanks to Jiang Qing for suggesting Ron and his dress robes!  
And Luna with a bottle of shampoo (last chapter) was suggested by !**


	23. Rap Guy's Girlfriend

Well…Snape was by the elevator, again…waiting to get on…

Parvati and Padma approached.

"Oh my God, Padma, look at his butt!" Parvati whispered to Padma.

"I know!" Padma said, "He looks like one of those….rap guy's girlfriends…"

"Excuse me?" Snape asked.

They all stepped into the elevator.

"I can't believe it's just so….round, and out there…" Parvati said.

"Hey now," Snape said.

"I can't even look at him," Padma said, turning away.

"My butt is not big!" Snape said, turning around and looking at his backside.

"It is too big," Parvati said, "It's huge."

"You're like one of those rap guy's girlfriends," Padma said, "But who understands those rap guys anyways."  
**So sorry for the late update, I was having internet troubles.**

**Well anyways, review!**


	24. I'm Too Sexy

Ya know, Snape was standing by the elevator because *cough* he has to go home.

McGonagall approached the elevator.

"Hello Snapette," she said, staring at him like a fangirl.

"Hello," Snape said.

"You look very…nice…today," McGonagall said.

"Erm, thanks," Snape said.

McGonagall reached up and touched a strand of his hair.

"Hey! Back off!" Snape said.

They stepped into the elevator.

"It's not my fault your sexy," McGonagall said, "Will you sing I'm Too Sexy for me?"  
"NO!" Snape said, backing off into the corner.

"Please?" McGonagall said.

"I wouldn't do it even if LOLSeverus left the face of the earth," Snape said.

"Darn," McGonagall said.

**Thanks to the anonymous reviewer woo hoo! For suggesting McGonagall being in the elevator in love with Snape.**

**So now I'm sort of thinking about how I wanna end the series and what the spin off will be.**

**This is only an idea, but what if someone (Harry/Ron/Hermione/Ginny) kept a journal about all of the things that everyone did on the elevator? And what if one of the kids found it? And then their parents wouldn't talk about it so they have to ask around the school and the teachers in order to get the full story…and then what if they reenacted it or something? Just an idea.**

**I'm not planning on ending the series anytime soon-what would you guys say if I made this 40-50 chapters long?**

**So tell me in your reviews what you think!  
**


	25. A Rather Queer Situation

Snape was, as you know, going to elevator to go home.

Slughorn approached.

"Oh no…" he muttered under his breath.

"Hey there, Snapette! Great news!"

"It can't be great if it's coming from you."  
"Well I almost got the papers to change your name legally to Snapette! I'm thiiiisss close!" he said, making a small gap in between his fingers to show how close he was.

Snape made a face and then realized something as they stepped into the elevator.

Every Tuesday of the month, he had orange juice for breakfast.

Wait no, that's not it…

Oh yeah! That Slughorn used to be his teacher….and his teacher was trying to change his name…

How weird.

"This is a rather queer situation," Snape said.

"How so?"

"It just _is_," Snape declared, crossing his arms.

"Well, whatever you say…" Slughorn remarked looking rather confused.

Snape realized that he might make it home tonight.

He started to do a victory dance, but then Hagrid fell through the top of the elevator, making it drop to the bottom floor.

"Now this is a queer situation," Slughorn said, attempting to come out from underneath Hagrid.

Snape then realized that he would probably not be going home tonight.

**Hello my lovely readers! I'm sorry I haven't updated sooner, but I had writers' block and do not believe in posting an A/N as a chapter, so I just left you all hanging. :( I apologize and I'm uber duber sorry! :(**

**Well if I have taught you well, you will review!**


	26. Play Barbies With Me!

Snape stood by the elevator, cuz ya know, that's what he does.

Voldy approached the elevator.

Yes that's right, Voldy is there, walking the halls, being a harmless little mental snaky man. Aww.

Snape nearly jumped out of his skin.

"Voldy!" he shrieked, "What are you doing here?!"  
"Ah. I have an appointment with Dumbles regarding whether or not I am wizard."

"Um, okay?"  
They stepped into the elevator.

It was silent in the elevator, until…

"Will you play Barbies with me?"  
"...What?"  
"Well you see, I've been going to this therapist and he recommends I play Barbies to get my feelings out. So then I went back this morning, and he says I should try playing with other people. And you are my most trusted servant. Will you play with me?"  
Snape turned as if he were facing a camera, then said, "The irony here is ironic."  
"Will you play with me?"  
"Fine, I will play with you," Snape said, sitting down, not wanting his super duper secret about Lily to be revealed.

"You can be Ken," Voldy said, shoving Ken and a car into Snape's face.

Snape sighed at the invisible camera.

"Hi Ken!" Voldy said in an abnormally girly voice.

"Um…hi?" Snape said.

"No no, can has a more masculine voice _like this_," Voldy said, lowering his voice, "Plus he likes Barbie."  
"Um…okay…hiya Barbie…" Snape said, lowering his voice.

"Hiya Ken! Can we go for a ride in your car?" Voldy said, making his Barbie dance around.  
"Sure, Barbie," Snape said.

He placed Ken in the car, as did Voldy with Barbie.

Voldy started zooming the car around, and then he crashed it into the wall.

"A tragic love scene," he said.

"Definitely," Snape said.

"Ken…I'm…dying…" Voldy said, making his voice sound really weird.

"Let's just get this over with: AVADA KEDAVRA!" Snape shouted using Ken to kill Barbie.

A tear slid down Voldy's cheek.

"That was so…touching."  
Snape was facepalming in the corner.

**So there! Long chapter! Happy?!  
Oh yes. Thanks to the countless people who suggested Voldy into the elevator. You know who you are!  
So um, you guys know the deal, and so does Snapette: Reviews=Snapette in elevator.**


	27. IDENTITY THEFT IS NOT THE ANSWER!

Snape was…

In the bathtub.

Just kidding, he was standing by his elevator. What else would he be doing? He doesn't have anything better to do.

So just as he was waiting for someone to approach….he saw…

Himself?!  
"Excuse me, but are you a crazed fangirl?" Snape asked.

"No," the other Snape said, "I'm just a future you. This is what you'll be doing next week."  
"Of course it is. I've been riding this elevator forever," Snape said.

"But something will happen to you next week when you ride the elevator, Snape," future Snape said.

"I don't believe in horoscopes," Snape said.

"But this isn't a horoscope, Snape."  
"Then what is it?"  
The two Snapes stepped into the elevator.

"It's time travel," future Snape whispered.

Snape snorted.

"Thinks it's funny, do you Snapette?" future Snape asked.

"Hey! If you're future me, than you must not like the name Snapette! So why call me that?" Snape asked.

Future Snape turned away.

"Hey!"  
Future Snape crossed his arms.

"Come on!" Snape said.

Future Snape started to pout.

"Come on," Snape said, "Get serious."  
"Why so serious?" Future Snape said, suddenly morphing into the Joker.

"Oh my God!" Snape shrieked.

The Joker then morphed into to Tonks.

"You're really stupid Snapette," she said, getting off at her stop.

Snape's mind went beserk.

"I'm a victim of identity theft!" he wailed.

**Alright! So I updated…are you happy?  
So. Thanks to 2random4words for suggesting Tonks being Snapette in the elevator!  
Alright guys. I have a question. Have any of you read Maximum Ride? If so, please message me! I'm reading it right now. I'm *currently* on the third book, but I'll probably finish it soon.**


	28. Filch, Bath, and Beyond

And the million dollar question is:  
Where is Snape today?  
a) Standing by the elevator

b) In the bath

c) In Jamaica

or d) In his house

Corrreccct! Snape was standing by the elevator! You just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS!  
*ahem* Well.

Snape was, well, as we just learned, standing by the elevator.

Nobody approached, and the doors dinged and he went in.

The doors closed and he shrieked.

In the elevator was Filch in his bathtub, and Rhonda the biscuit was next to him.

"Hey! Dumbledore said that he password protected my bathroom!"  
Snape turned away, completely disgusted.

"This is an elevator," he said.

"No," Filch said, "This is my bathroom."  
"No," Snape said, "This is _my _elevator."  
"You don't own it," Filch said snidely.

"I do own it," Snape said, "I have been riding this elevator for the past 3 months. So there."

"Tsk, tsk, Snapette."  
"This is sorta like…Filch, Bath and Beyond…"  
"Huh?"  
"Like the store, Bed Bath & Beyond…"  
"EH?"  
"Oh never mind," Snape sighed.

"Hey Snapette? Can you pass me my shampoo?"  
"No!"  
"Well then."

**Yes, I got off my lazy booty and updated. Surprise surprise!**

**Thanks to RemmyBlack for suggesting that Filch be in the elevator in the bath.**

**Well. I finished the 3****rd**** book of Maximum Ride (yes, I'm a fast reader) and I am very, very pleased with the Faxness.**

**Now, you need to get off your lazy booties and review!**


	29. Dirty Laundry

Snape was, well, by the elevator.

He stood, waiting for the elevator to come.

Then Umbridge approached.

You are all probably wondering, 'What is that vile toad doing here?!'

She's here to ride the elevator and to get help with her….issue.

"Hello," she said rudely.  
"Ugh, you again," Snape said, turning away.

"I'm not here to be rude, Snapette, I'm here for help."  
"What do you need?" Snape said with a sigh.

They stepped into the elevator.

"I need help with my laundry."  
"Sorry, I'm already doing Dumbledo-Dumbles' laundry," Snape said.

"No no, it's not about _you _doing my laundry," Umbridge said, "It's about how I have _too much_ laundry."  
"Like, how much are we talking about?"  
"Well…" Umbridge wrung her hands, "My whole house is filled with it."  
"Oh my God," Snape said, turning away.

"I only do the baskets that are near my bed," Umbridge said.

"What about the other baskets?"  
"They just pile up high….I haven't actually cooked a meal in a while because of how full of laundry my kitchen is."  
"Ew."

"Help me?"  
"No."

"Well then. Even Cornelius won't help me."  
"Well, I think he's still ashamed about how he thought Voldy wasn't back."  
"I have complete faith in him that he took the right actions and-"

"Wait, what?"  
"Oh never mind."  
**Ooh, you lucky duckies! I'm updating!  
So I had this idea that I would do a story where Umbridge had too much dirty laundry and it killed her (part of a conversation with TwiLyight Sans Sparkles). But then I decided to make a chapter about it instead.**

**I got off my lazy butt and wrote, now get off yours and review!**


	30. Mahh

Well well well, Snapette was by the elevator….

He sighed.

This was the 54th time he had ridden the elevator in about 2 ½ months.

Wow.

Lavender Brown, Ron Weasley, and Hermione Granger approached.

He groaned.

"Mahh!" he said, sounding slightly like a goat.

Lavender was clinging onto Weasley's shoulder saying, "Why can't you seeeee? You belong with meeee!"  
"I belong with Her-my-neee!!!" Weasley shouted in response, shoving her off.

Hermione smiled.

Lavender frowned. "But Won-Won-"

"I am no longer your Won-Won! I am Hermione's Snuggle Bear!" Ron said.

Lavender proceeded to whine and whine while Hermione was smiling broadly.

"Mahh," Snape said to Lavender.

"Ughhh! Be quiet Snapette! WON-WON!"

"Mahh," Snape said again.

"NO!" Lavender yelled at Snapette.

Hermione was laughing very, very hard.

The doors opened and they stepped into space.

C'mon, seriously? You all know that they stepped into the elevator.

Oh yah. They did.  
Well anyways…

"Mahh," Snape declared.

"Moo," Hermione said.

"Bahh."

"WON-WON!"  
Everyone sighed.

**Hey hey hey! It's meeee again! So. Who's seen The Office premiere? Thoughts? It wasn't as great as I thought it would be…it didn't live up to its comedic genius.**

**So. Review.**

**Oh yeah. Two days ago I finished Max. Very good. Faxy ending.**


	31. Snapette Products

Snape was at a funeral.

Psh, I'm just kidding, you all KNOW he's by the elevator waiting for its glorious doors to open.

Fred Weasley approached holding a rather large briefcase.

"Hello there, Snapette!" he said cheerfully.

"Oh joy," Snapette said.

"We have some things for you," Fred said.

They stepped into the elevator.

Fred opened the briefcase and said, "Now here, we have our 'Snapette Dandruff Shampoo!' It eliminates greasy and flaky dandruffy hair. Would you like a sample?"

"No!" Snape said, "I am completely offended that you would even think of something like that!"

"And here we have our 'Music Video Editor: Snapette Version', which is where you can put your head into music videos! For example, this is you dancing to Don't Cha!"

Snape shuddered, remembering Crabbe and Goyle's Don't Cha dance.

"And here, we have our Snapette Quote Bobble Head! You simply press down on the head to hear a fantastic Snapette quote!" Fred said, pressing down the head.

"My name is not Snapette," the bobble head said.

Snape looked at it indignantly.

"And also, we have a _fabulous _line of Snapette robes, perfect for any drab occasion!"  
"THAT IS IT! I AM SO SICK AND TIRED OF PEOPLE CALLING ME SNAPETTE AND MAKING FUN OF ME AND RIDING WITH ME IN THE ELEVATOR! I'M SICK OF IT!" Snape fumed.

"Hey, lighten up, Snapette," Fred said, "At least you'll be famous."

**Hey guys! Thanks to cuddlebear992 for giving the idea of Snapette products from Fred (and George, except I took him out because this is a one person chapter)!  
And also guys, these chapters are meant to be short…so please stop complaining about the length. You can't make a 204938205395843290584320 word chapter on an elevator ride that lasts about 5-10 minutes.**

**Also, I've been wondering…how did all you guys come across this story? Tell me!**


	32. I'm Chuck Bass

Well, um…I don't know how to say this, but…Snape was standing by the elevator…

Harry Potter approached.

"How come you always have to come?" Snape demanded.

"…I'm Chuck Bass…" Harry said.

"What?! You're Harry Potter, not 'Chuck Bass'!"  
They stepped into the elevator.

"Your father was an ignorant swine," Snape said.

"…He was Chuck Bass."  
"NO, he was James Potter!" Snape yelled.

Harry smiled mischievously.

"You're such a little brat. Starting the SAE group…being yourself-"

"Myself, Chuck Bass," Harry cut in.

"No!" Snape howled.

"…You're Chuck Bass," Harry said.

"What?! I thought you were Chuck Bass!" Snape said.

"…I'm Chuck Bass."  
"Noo!" Snape screamed, "Make it stop!"  
"Chuck Bass!" Harry wailed.

"Why?!" Snape screamed.

**Alright, you guys are probably wondering, "She watches Gossip Girl?!" The answer is no, I don't. Long story short, I was roaming YouTube when I came across a video that said I'm Chuck Bass in it. So I looked it up on Urban Dictionary and found out that you say it whenever you don't know the answer.**

**Well, anyways, review!**


	33. Constipation

Well, erm…Snape was…well, he was by the elevator.

Cedric Diggory approached the elevator.

Yeah, you heard me right.

"Oh ma Jim Bob!" Snape gasped, "You're supposed to be dead!"  
"Actually, a hidden portkey transferred me to Forks and I became a vampire named Edward **(A/N: I just HAD to put a Cedric/Edward joke in here. :P. Also, I still don't like Twilight.)**. But that's another story," Cedric said.

"…Oh my Jim Bob," Snape said, "I just HAVE to tell Dumbles!"  
"You can't," Cedric said.

So they stepped into the elevator.

"So, what did you need?" Snape asked.

"Well…I'm…I'm..."  
"You're what?"  
"Well-It's sort of hard to say-I'm-"

"Yes?"  
Cedric looked down with a sigh. "I'm constipated."  
"WHAT?!" Snape said, nearly crying from laughter.

"It's not funny!" Cedric said with a tear rolling down his cheek, "No one carries any constipation stuff, and Madame Pomfrey doesn't know what to do! You don't know what this has done to my reputation."

Snape snorted.

Cedric said, "Imagine if you were constipated!"

"Listen, bub," Snape said, "Constipation is just a tiny speck of dust compared to the stuff I've seen in this elevator."  
"Like what?" Cedric scoffed.

"You don't want to know," Snape said.

**Hope you guys liked this one! Please review (well, I don't have to ask…I know you guys will :P)!**


	34. Single Ladies

Well, I hate to break it to you, but Snape was taking the stairs.

He stood by the stairs, and then turned around decided that the elevator would be a better choice.

Dobby the house elf approached.

"Hello, Master Snapette!" Dobby squeaked.

"Snape," Snape said.

"Here, Snapette," Dobby said, "Dobby has some hats for you to try on." He pulled out a stack of hats from underneath his hats.

"No," Snape said.

"But Master Harry would! He always does!" Dobby squeaked, launching into a rant about Harry.

"Shut up, shut up, and shut up! I don't want to hear about Potter!"

"Try this hat, Snapette," Dobby said, "It is very fashionable with the oldies nowadays."  
"The oldies?! I'm only in my thirties, you idiot!"  
"Try this," Dobby said, holding out a beanie hat.

"No!" Snape said.

"You is very grouchy today, Snapette," Dobby said.

"NO, I'm just annoyed!" Snape said.

"With what?" Dobby asked.

"With you!" Snape roared.

"Oh mys," Dobby whispered, "Is Snapette going to hurt Dobby?"

Snapette paused to think.

Dobby didn't know what to do, so he began to dance.

"All the single ladies," Dobby squeaked, starting to sing Single Ladies.

Snape stood there, his mouth wide open in shock.

**I had to put Single Ladies in here sooner or later… :D  
Well, I updated. I update, you review. Simple as that.**


	35. Your REAL Name

Snape was by the elevator, 'cuz it's his thing.

So he was waiting and Nearly Headless Nick and the Bloody Baron approached. Or rather, they floated over.

He was a little weirded out because usually it was only humans in the elevator. And besides, couldn't ghosts just go through the walls?

They stepped into the elevator. Well, Snape did. Nick and the Bloody Baron floated in.

"This elevator brings back memories," Nick said happily.

The Bloody Baron chuckled. "Oh yes. It certainly does."  
"Why?" Snape asked curiously.

"Oh. Well, it was Halloween night…" Nick began.

"And there was this terribly annoying boy," the Bloody Baron said.

"What was his name?" Snape asked.

"Sevorus Snake," said Nick, "He had greasy black hair and a hooked nose and had a Muggle dad."  
"What'd you do to him?!" asked Snape.

"Not much," said the Bloody Baron.

"Well…" chuckled Nick.

"What?!" shrieked Snape.

"Well, we changed his name and well…Snapette…that boy was you!" Nick said.

"What?!"

"We changed your name! Your real name is Sevorus Snake!" said the Bloody Baron.

Snape passed out.

**Well, I have finally updated. REVIEW!**


	36. Budget Cuts

Snape was by the elevator. Surprise!

He was waiting ever so anxiously for someone to come.

SURPRISE, it's Arnold Schwartzenagger!  
No no, just kidding, it's not him. It's the one, the only…

Susan Bones!  
So here Snape is, standing there when Susan comes in and doesn't do a thing.

They step in the elevator.  
Still silence.

Snape cleared his throat. Nothing annoyed him more than awkward silences.  
She stood stock still in the corner.

What did he do last time (i.e. 20 years ago when he was at Hogwarts) to break the silence?

He broke into song. "…We all live in a yellow submarine…"

Still nothing.

He gave his take on different things. "All in all, I think that Dumbledore is a cook. Yes, a cook. Not a kook. Well actually, that too. He's a cooky kook!"  
He then break danced.

His cape waved wildly around. His greasy hair swashed in his face.

Susan backed farther into the corner.

What else could he do?  
He began to do the single ladies dance. Back and forth, move after move…

Susan seemed to be caving. Let the conversation begin!  
"So Susan…" Snape said.

Susan just stood still.

Snape growled and did an angry dance.

He told stories.

Oh no!  
Snape forgot to press his floor!  
He pressed his floor and Susan just stood.

"Am I pushing your buttons? Does this bother you? Talk already!" Snape said.

Susan just stood.

"Something is up. Are you mad, young lady?" Snape said, raising his eyebrow.

Oh no! Snape forgot to be grumpy!  
He did an Alan Rickman pause, "Will you even…talk…at all?"

She just stood back.

He surveyed words. "Colored pencils is such a weird noun. It's like…colored pencils. Which they are. But at the same time…they're not pencils really, they don't have erasers…what's the definition of pencil anyway? Who says so?? Why do people writing the dictionary have to tell us that this is what the word means and if a word isn't in here it's not real?"

And so the rant continued. If Susan was getting agitated or was cracking, she was not showing it.

He had to make her crack. So many others had made him crack; now it was his turn.

"Bam bam, I am Batman!" he howled.

"Do you like waffles? Yeah we like waffles!"  
"It's time for yo gabba gabba!"  
"lyk omg no wy a hX0r1!1!"  
"Man…" Snape said, slumping against the wall, "This is tiring!"  
He started to change her name. "Susy Bones, Sue Sylvester..."

By floor -1, Snape realized he only had 88 more floors until he reached his destination!  
Snape gasped.

Would he make it home tonight?  
"Sleigh bells ring, are you listenin'? No you're not…you don't care…"  
Susan just stood.

"Come, let's have a picnic. All the TV remotes can come!"  
"With the power of Oxi Clean, you'll never see a stain again!"  
"Billy Mays!"  
"Can you spare a square?"  
"No soup for you!"  
"So I put my hands up…"  
"I would like some pie."  
"Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica."  
"Beam me up, Scotty!"  
"Live long and prosper!"  
"I personally have won over 17 Dundie awards."

And the quoting went on and on until Snape wondered if he was going crazy.

Floor -97. Finally Snape cracked.

"Are you going to say something or not?!"  
Susan shrugged. "We had budget cuts."  
"Huh?"  
"It means we can't fund for me to do anything annoying," she said crossing her arms.  
Floor -98.

"Wha-"

Floor -99. The elevator dinged and Susan strolled out.

Snape slumped against the wall. "That girl should've been a Ravenclaw, that was rather cunning of her…"

**So I updated with a rather loooong chapter. I included some TV show quotes. :) Can you figure out what they're from?**

**Oh…little review button wants to be clicked! ;)**


	37. Secret Agent Snape

Snape, in his usual foul mood, approached the elevator.

Sirius approached the elevator.

"What are you doing here?" Snape said sourly.

"I am here," Sirius declared, "Because I want to become a secret agent."  
"So do I," said Snape wistfully.

"If I were a secret agent," Sirius said, "I would have awesome shades and a cool watch."  
"Well," Snape said, "I would have a flying car that shoots lasers."  
"I would also," Sirius said, grinning, "be able to explode anyone just by taking off my shades."  
They stepped into the elevator.

"I," Snape said, "would have everyone trust me. Then I would let them down."  
"You don't have to worry about letting anyone down, Snapette, you already do that."

Snape crossed his arms.

"Do not."  
"Do so. Dumbles told me."

"…Dumbles told you what?"  
"About your secret."  
"What secret?" Snape said faintly.

"About your teddy bear, Robert. And how Robert is best friends with Rhonda, Filch's biscuit."  
"…that is very personal and I told him not to tell. And how is that letting anyone down?"  
"It's letting Dumbles down. He told you Robert was sneaking out to eat cheese with Rhonda, but you didn't listen."  
"Well I don't need Robert. I don't need anyone because I am a secret agent."

"Yeah? Prove it."  
So Snape did. He did ninja rolls all over the elevator and kicked Sirius.

Sirius laughed.  
"You still think you're an agent, huh?" he said.

"Yes," Snape replied, crossing his arms.

"Well, let me show you my mad skills."

Sirius did have skill.

And it was better than Snape's skill.

Snape sighed.

"That is why I'm a SECRET agent…duh."

**Hey! I'm so so so so so sorry I haven't updated in forever. I've had writer's block and stuff…so here this is. But I've got a ton of ideas now, and I promise that I'll try to update as often as I can!**


	38. OH NO HE DIDN'T!

Snape approached the elevator. It was the same thing he did every day. Same old, same old.

Of course, like every other day, he foolishly hoped that possibly, maybe, someone wouldn't come to the elevator. But of course, that is foolish, because the little voice in Snape's head _knows _that that pesky group Potter had founded was still around, and it was still their mission to annoy him into madness.

He sighed and trudged up to the elevator. He pushed the button.

He looked around.  
"Well, this is bizarre," he wondered aloud.

Well, that statement was true, since just at that moment, Seamus and Lavender walked up with a cardboard car which was supposed to make it look like they were actually in a car.

"Seamus," Lavender squealed, "I am sooo glad you took me to the drive in!"

"Yup," Seamus chirped back, "We can see that new movie, _Let's Stalk Snapette_."

"It'll be super good!" Lavender exclaimed, practically exploding from excitement.

Snape was absolutely horrified. Someone had made a movie about him?!  
"Well," Snape muttered under his breath, "if anyone made a movie about me, Alan Rickman had better play me."

Suddenly, Snape gave an audible gasp.

He had just referred to himself…_as Snapette_!

He must be going insane.

He heard the doors ding and he stepped in. Lavender and Seamus "drove" in.

He just stood, and Seamus and Lavender turned to face him.

"This movie," Lavender said, her voice filled with disappointment, "is so dumb."  
"Let's throw popcorn at it like we do to all the other stupid movies!" Seamus replied.

They gleefully pulled out popcorn, sodas, and just about every other thing you find at a movie theater and threw it at Snape.

"Arggh!" Snape screamed, ducking and covering his head, "What are you doing?!"  
"Oh, so now the movie decides it wants to have bad dialogue!" cried Seamus, turning to face Lavender, "You know what we do during bad dialogue!"  
Lavender, practically bursting at the seams from happiness, pulled out cotton candy.

"No…she wouldn't…" Snape muttered, backing as far away from Lavender as he could.

She approached Snape with the cotton candy in hand. She turned it upside down, and…

She swirled the cotton candy on his head.

Snape was ever so displeased.

Snape had had enough. He stood up, picked up what remained of his dignity, and marched over to Seamus and Lavender's car.

He picked up the car and threw it at the wall.

Seamus and Lavender stared.

"Oh no he didn't," Seamus said.

"Oh yes, he did!" Snape said emphatically.

**Review please!**


	39. The Game Show

And for the million dollar question, where is Snape going today?  
Correeecccttt! He is going to the elevator.

Snape strolled up to the elevator. He was in a foul mood, and he just wanted to get to his floor.

Suddenly, Slughorn, Harry, and Remus strolled up to the elevator.

"I bet I know more about Snapette than you do, Remus," Harry said smugly.

"Well-"

"Oho, my boys, let's find out!" Slughorn interjected.

He was carrying a rather large podium, one that had buzzers on either side.

"What," Snape asked in a drawn out voice, "are you doing?"  
"Oh, Snapette, m'boy!" Slughorn said, "We're having a game show about you!"  
Snape facepalmed.

The doors dinged and everyone strode in.

Slughorn set down the podium. Remus and Harry took their places on the sides.

"Now," Slughorn said, "Your first question is: What is Snapette's favorite food?"  
Snape listened with great interest. He wanted to know what the answers were because anyone who knows Snapette knows his favorite food is, in fact, Chef Boyardee.

Harry buzzed in before Remus' palm touched the buzzer.

Harry smirked. "It is, in fact, Chef Boyardee."  
Slughorn boomed, "Absolutely correct!"  
A little scoreboard on the side of the podium showed that Harry was in the lead.

Snape frowned. He only told his…"BFF" Dumbles about that.

But then again, Dumbles did tend to be a blabbermouth sometimes…

Snape frowned. He had just called Dumbledore Dumbles.

"The next question," yelled Slughorn, "is: Why does Snapette love the color black?"

Remus slammed his hand against the buzzer.

"Because black is the new pink!"  
"Cooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrecccttt!" Slughorn screamed.

Snape sighed. That was _not _why he liked black. It was just a fashionable color.

"Next question: what is Snape's favorite song?"  
And so the questioning carried on. And with each new question, Snape got more and more tired of this game show.

About 20 or so minutes later, the scores were tied and it was the final round. Both Remus and Harry knew that if they didn't answer this question right, the other would know more about Snapette. They were both so determined to prove that they knew more about Snapette than the other.

"Your final question," declared Slughorn, "is possibly the most difficult yet. Your question is: What is Snapette's real name?"  
Harry and Remus looked at each other. They were both dumbfounded. How were they supposed to know?

Several "ums" and "uhs" came out of their mouths.

Snape strode over, taking pride in what he was about to do next.

"Snapette's real name," Snape declared, "is Severus Snape."  
"CORRECT!" howled Slughorn, "Snapette is the winner!"  
Remus and Harry stared at each other, upset that they just let victory slip out of their fingers just like that.


	40. Extreme Snapeover

Snape had had an unpleasant day. He just wanted to reach his floor with no strange occurrences.

His hopes and dreams were shattered when he saw Fred and George Weasley, complete with a large briefcase.

"Hello, Snapette," Fred said, "What would you say if we said we could change your life within this one elevator ride?"  
"I would say, 'Get away from me, you psychos."  
"Too bad," George said.

They stepped into the elevator.

"Because it's time for….EXTREME SNAPEOVER!"  
"Pardon me?"  
"Extreme Snapeover. It's where we make you, Snape, over."  
"No…" Snape said, backing away.

But it was too late. George had already started to slather makeup all over Snape.

Once his makeup was complete (or as Fred liked to call it, his "Snape-up"), Fred brushed Snape's hair and put it into about a thousand different styles until he found one he liked.

Once Snape had his hair in a "Snape-do", he was forced into several different dresses, heels, and bows.

It was scary.

Snape tried to escape. But he couldn't.

The twins were too good. They had figured out how to keep him from escaping.

They had tied him up.

Snape wiggled around, looking like a fish out of water.

"Stop that! You'll mess up your Snape-do!" Fred cried.

Snape got out a "Mmmpggh!"

George and Fred had just completed the final step.

The Snape-bag.

Now Snape had his own personal hand bag. It was bedazzled and pink. It also had "SNAPE" on it.

Snape sighed.

"Now the Extreme Snapeover is complete!" Fred and George yelled happily, "Are you super happy, Snapette?"  
"…no."

**Reviews are appreciated.**


	41. Chomp Chomp Chomp

As per usual, Snape approached the elevator, an unhappy frown on his face. For you see, now was the time to take the elevator. What could be so bad, you ask? Well, in the past few months, he had been suspecting that a group Potter had started hadn't disbanded. Named Snape's Annoying Elevator group, their main goal was to make his elevator rides miserable.

He walked up to the elevator, pressing the button. He pondered, _Why don't I just take the stairs? _But then he remembered that he lives on the -70th floor. That would be an extremely long descent down the stairs.

He sighed, waiting for a person to approach.

Hermione and Ron approached. Ron was holding a paper bag, and as they got onto the elevator, he opened the bag and took out a hamburger that was slightly larger than his mouth. He stuffed it in his mouth and took a rather noisy bite. Snape moved away, obviously peeved by his annoying chewing.

Snape pressed his floor, and down they flew.

Ron, who was still obnoxiously chewing, handed Hermione a large soda. She started to slurp it up noisily. The two of them reminded Snape very much of two small, poorly mannered children. Which in a sense, they were.

Ron pulled out some gum, acknowledging that Hermione had finished her soda. He handed her the pack of gum, which she chomped noisily on now. She popped several pieces in her mouth, putting in more every few minutes.

Snape's eye began to twitch. This was becoming rather annoying.  
_Chomp chomp chomp. Chew chew chew._

Snape screamed stop, ripping the sandwich from Ron's hand and taking the pack of gum from Hermione's hand.

He stuffed them in his mouth, chewing noisily, sounding exactly like they did. Ron and Hermione backed away, horrified at Snape's horrifying behavior.

"Gross!" shouted Ron, backing away.

Snape stared. He began to rant, and Ron and Hermione backed farther and farther away. Snape was in shouting his rant, waving his hands around, when suddenly, a noise silenced him.

_Ding!_

Ron and Hermione dashed out of the elevator, clearly afraid of Snape when he was ranting.

Snape smiled. _They annoy me, I scare them. We're even…sort of._


	42. Dance Party with Seamus

**Disclaimer: I don't own the dances or songs or references mentioned in this chapter.**

* * *

Snape sauntered up to the elevator, convinced that this time, this time, no one would bother him on this ride. After he pressed the button, he rocked back on forth on his feet, looking anxiously around for someone to come.

Seamus Finnegan strolled up to the elevator.

Snape tried to hide the alarm on his face.

The doors dinged and the two stepped in.

Snape started to look around the too-familiar elevator, trying to avoid Seamus' gaze.

Unfortunately, Seamus was already occupied.  
Snape glanced over at him. Seamus was bobbing his head back and forth from side to side, his face in a stupid grin.

"Do you hear the music, Snape?" Seamus whispered excitedly.

"No."  
"Come on, Snape, I know you hear it."  
"Absolutely not."  
"It's pulsing through your veeeiiins, Snape," Seamus said, his face dead serious.

"Lies."  
"COME ON, SNAPE, THIS IS MY MUSIC."  
And with that, Seamus grabbed Snape and started to tango with him.

Snape tried to fight back but still found himself tangoing across the elevator with a slap-happy Seamus Finnegan.

Seamus, who was now dipping Snape, dropped him to the floor.  
"The music has changed…" he said, a strange glint in his eye.

Snape watched in horror as Seamus began to scream, "I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AND FORTH!" and wave his head around wildly.

"WHIP YOUR HAIR, SNAPE! DO IT!"  
Snape, who felt oddly obligated to do so, shook his hair back and forth.

"AGAIN!"  
Snape did it more intensely this time, feeling as if he, too, were hearing the music.

"FEEL THE MUSIC, SNAPE! WHIP YOUR HAIR!"

Snape got up and shook his hair wildly around. He didn't stop, feeling very intense about whipping his hair. He started to scream, "YEAH!" when he realized Seamus had paused and was no longer dancing.

Seamus had paused, looking like a deer in headlights. A large grin spread over his face, and he whipped off his robes. Snape looked away, horrified, only to see Seamus wearing almost the exact same outfit that Slughorn had worn when he had done leg lifts!  
Seamus started to dance and punch the air.

"It's Jazzercise, Snape. Come. Join."  
Snape stood and watched as Seamus sashayed around the elevator, waving his arms around as if he were trying to fly.

"Snape, you must join. 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3…"  
He watched, disturbed, as Seamus started to do leg lifts.

Snape, who was trying to resist the urge to join in, wondered what could cause this insanity. He looked up disdainfully at the number showing what floor they were on and saw it was at -30, nowhere near the -99th floor, where his room was at.

"Join, Snape…Join…"  
Snape suddenly started to do leg lifts. He realized he was like Slughorn, but he, thankfully, wasn't singing opera.

"Now for the opera singing portion of our lesson…" Seamus sounded as if he were in a trance.

Shocked, Snape opened his mouth and belted out a very, very loud opera song.

"I LIKE TURTLES!"  
"I LIKE TURTLES!" echoed Snape, horrified at what he was saying.

"My name's Snapette and I love Slughorn."  
"My name's Snapette and I love Slughorn." Snapette? What? That wasn't true!  
"We should get married, Seamus."  
"We should get married, Seamus," Snape said, appalled. He tried to shout, "I don't mean that!" but was somehow still doing leg lifts and singing opera.

"Snape! That is inappropriate!" Seamus shouted, stopping doing the leg lifts. Snape gave a sigh of relief as he stopped, too.

"I didn't…I don't…"  
Seamus rolled his eyes. "I know that I'm very irresistible, Snapette, but I'm dating Lavender Brown."  
"I don't want to marry you," spat Snape.

"Whatever."  
Seamus looked around and began to bob his head from side to side.

"What on Earth…50 points from Gryffindor…"  
Seamus got an excited look on his face.

"Snape…Snape…teach me how to Dougie."  
Snape, as if Seamus' words were his commands, began to sway back and forth.

"This is how you start, Seamus…"  
He began to move his arms around wildly.

"This is the Dougie."  
Seamus began to Dougie.

"You're a great teacher, Snapette!"  
"Do you think I could be a gangster, Seamus?"  
"What?"  
"Like…wear chains that said 'Snapette' on them."  
"If that's what you wanted…"  
Seamus looked around.

"You look really funny, Snapette."  
Snape looked more bat-like than ever, his black robes flying wildly around while he was dancing.

"We should do a square dance, Snapette."  
Snape promptly stopped dancing.

"How are you doing it?" he demanded. "I am _not_ doing these…dances…willingly."  
Seamus winked at Snape. "I'm just that awesome. I command everything Snape."  
His eyes got misty.  
"_Everything_."

Snape edged away from Seamus. He hopefully stared up at the floor number but was utterly disappointed: they were on floor -59.

"Snape, it's square dance time."  
Seamus pulled out two cowboy hats and handed one to Snape.

Snape, although he didn't hear any music, began to square dance wildly.

"Swing your partner round and round!" Seamus shouted exuberantly, his face alight with delight.

He linked arms with Snape and danced dragged him around in a circle. Seamus began to run, actually, while still running with Snape, and Snape flew backwards and hit the wall.

"Again, Snapette!" Seamus screamed, "Again!"

Snape unwillingly got up and dragged himself over to Seamus. Seamus then pulled Snape around similar to the way a dog would pull its owner on a leash.

"Stop!" Snape managed to scream.  
Seamus, with all the strength he could muster, turned in a way that forced Snape to hit the wall-again.

"What is wrong with you? Why are you making me do all these strange…dances?"  
"They help open up the sooouuul, Snapette…the sooooullll…"

Snape gave him a dirty look.

"I will be telling the Headmaster about this."  
"Then I'll tell him you want to marry me."  
Snape slammed his hand against the wall. "I didn't say that! I didn't mean it! FIVE THOUSAND POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR!"  
Seamus looked appalled.  
"How dare you? Take points from your own house? I never thought, Snapette, in all my years of teaching, that it would be you…" Seamus shook his head with disgust.

_Ding!_

They'd made it. The -99th floor. Seamus strolled out as if he was on a cat walk, and Snape heaved himself through the doors.  
He muttered to himself, "_Never. Taking. The. Elevator. Again._"

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**Hi! I'm SO SO SO SO SO SO sorry that I haven't updated this story in FOREVER, but I've had a HUGE writer's block for it. :/ This chapter is the longest in the series, I think, so I hope it makes up for the long time without updates! This chapter is also for Project PULL. I hope you laugh (and like it)! Please review!**


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